holy hannah my face! can’t believe one part of the body can make you feel sooo not good. i have so many things that are not cool with this…but then i have so many blessings it doesn’t seem right to complain. so i thought if i didn’t equal blessings and complaints it would be okay…

i hate…

1. totally hate my face hurts soooo bad. it is like your whole face is on fire. but you can’t proof really. there are no crazy scars or anything…not that i want those…but still it is so much easier to show off a battle wound.

2. i hate that drugs that actually work are addicting and slow down the healing so they really don’t want you to take them. i don’t want them if they slow down healing…but honestly make an adult liquid advil…not deluded children nastiness. i feel sorry for kids who have to take it.

3. i hate not being able to enjoy food. i don’t even want to eat because it hurts. i totally understand why people loose so much weight. i have been averaging like 3-400 calories…it is so hard to eat and yet again…you can’t get better if you don’t eat.

4. i hate being so weak…i stand up and take a shower for like 3 minutes and i am totally wasted. I got vitamins now with iron and stuff to give me more energy, they say it is because of all the blood loss

5. i hate the sticky stuff on my face that is next to impossible to get off. From the bandages holding my chin in place for the 1st couple of days, it left this gorilla strength stickiness, that comes off only when the press to hard on my broken face.

6. I hate that i am stuck at home being a total blob. people going to work, visiting friends, having too much to do, are so lucky! i wish i was stressed out more then being a slug.

7. i hate that i have to wait so long to see the results, they took a total of 10mm of length off my face and i can’t even tell…i am too much of a puffy, fluffy face. i have to re introduce myself to myself every morning. so weird. and now i look like somebody colored yellow highlighter all over my face because of the bruises healing.

8. being burden on friends and family. i hate having to ask for help for every move i make. i couldn’t believe how independent i was. now it is can you help me up i need to go the bathroom, hey would blend my food, hey will you get me a paper towel and wipe my drool mouth…etc. so not fun.

things that i love!

1. my family and friends who don’t care that i am a total burden. they honestly have been so amazing i can’t even believe it. they don’t care they have to wipe vasiline on all my sores and lips, they don’t care they have to help me to the shower…they are absolutely awesome. my mom comes daily just to be bored with me. i even had a couple of visits from miss syd…who ways “ohhh” and points to my face and then smiles…she seems to even know not to touch my face.

2. flowers….everytime i get flowers it makes me so happy, something so pretty and happy that i can look at when i am not feeling so happy or so pretty.

3. the girls at scrapbooks etc who got me the magic bullet blender thing….it is amazing!! i love it! it was so stinkin’ thoughtful i can’t even believe it.

4. scrubs. nobody expects me to look amazing, so i don’t have to do my hair, make up, pick out something to wear…etc. my biggest choice is what color of scrubs do i want to wear. they are wonderful and comfortable and i am jealous of people who wear them everyday to work.

5. i love that my surgery went better then even expected. i love that i have feeling and that i am not even more of a drooling mess. patches of feeling come back everyday.

6. i love this syringe thingy…it is amazing! i have like 8 other smaller syringes for food and medicine intake…that are not as near as amazing as this one is. it has a rubber tip thing and it is large and in charge…they would only give me one. oh well…now this one gets all the love.

7. Heat pads. it helps my face feel sooo much better. it like chills out the huge nerve in my face. awww bliss.

8. a boy named paulie. he is so awesome. he doesn’t care that i wake him up in the middle of night…he doesn’t care that he has to do everything, laundry, dishes…all the food. he tells me i am pretty like 500 times a day…and claims he has a trophy wife. he worries about me constantly and loves me so much. he is so amazing.

thanks for comments…paulie keeps telling me all the people that ask about me and tell me they are thinking of me. it makes me want to be more like that…peace friends heidi lynn